its so weird without you. you have no idea how much i miss you. i need you, i cant do this by myself.

---

because its more than just that,

because no one will ever understand,

because im standing here alone.

why?how could you do this to me? how could you just leave me behind? it hurts so much, this betrayal of yours. you might have had a tear in the corner of your eye but you broke my heart. you left me without a goodbye. you left with a smile on your face so eager to get out. did you forget anything dearest? you didnt even fight for me, you just left. your just as bad as her who left us before. but this time its just me. im by myself. hurt, disappointed, depressed, betrayed, abandoned. you riped my heart out and stepped all over it. do you get a joy out of my sorrow? do you find this sickly entertaining? i always thought we would stick together, that we would always be there for each other, but i was wrong. you took your first ticket out of here and left me to be stuck in this hell hold by myself. i have one thing to ask you, are you happy now?

ive been through horrible things as well as great. i've experienced pain along with joy. but haven't we all? maybe the pain ive been through isn't half as bad as yours or maybe its a million times worse but it doesnt matter to me because i have the best friends in the world to help me through it. whether im bumbed out from getting yelled at like always or hyped up about a concert i know i can always share with my best friends and they'd feel exactly what i'm feeling and they go through it with me. when im down and feel like giving up they dont just lend me a hand they cry with me and share that moment with me and help me right back up to my feet. i trust them. i count on them. i believe in them. they make me believe in something beyond the clouds and make me smile until my face hurts and make me laugh till my stomach cant take it. i might be in a bad situation right now and i may not be happy, i may be depressed, i may want to give up in believing and having faith but one things for sure i cant be lucker to have the friends i have. without them i feel as if i wouldnt be here, like i couldnt take what im going through, and because of that i want them to know how much i appreciate them and how i love them. guys, i love you like brothers and sisters, family. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!

okay so i whine about life a lot...but i do love my life and i am determined to make something out of it no matter how hard or tormenting it is. i want something out of life and even if its only making one person smile then i can sleep at the end of the day happy and all my exhaustion wiped away :)

my life=shitty :\

i know wat you mean when the only thing you want in the world is to leave but everything you know just wont let you. when all you feel is soo freaking frustrated and nothing is going your way. how you live each day like its nothing and you cant wait to get it over it when you should be breathing every moment and living. how when you look at the week that just passed by and you feel like it was a waste of your effing life. no matter how much you want to exceed these ppl are bringing you down. when you want something out of your life....to be successful, to be someone in life, in this world. when you feel like its not worth it anymore cause no matter how much you fight to get out its like theres a deeper cut tht just wont let you out. how you feel so alone in this god forsaken place and the only thing you keep hearing is to hold on its not as bad as you say just take it a day at a time but all you rly wanna hear is i feel your pain i kno what you mean and no matter what im getting you out. it hurts more than ppl give attention to and its not their life they're messing up its urs. when the desires you want just isnt the same as these ppl. its like they're trying to plan your future for you but its not wat you want. you feel like your life is effing off course like there's no point in living when no one is hearing you scream. there's no reason in going on when no one hears your cry for help and all you can do is sit, feel like shit, and cry and no matter how much you cry you just dont believe anymore. you just feel it in your heart tht youre not getting out that no one understands no fucking person is gonna help you when they cant even help themself. 

when all you want is for these words to be uttered: 
i feel your pain. i know what youre going through. youre not alone i promise

Hey Everyone!

 

okay so my birthday passed...some birthday it was but thats okay. as each day goes on i just miss my friends more and more. i'm happy to be with my mom and all but i'm just not happy here. the friends i have here i just dont know if they have my back. i'm so tired and exhausted. i feel like crying everyday all day. i've hung on and fought, i've been as strong as i could be and now im just too tired to hang on any longer. I JUST WANT TO LET GO :((

oh gosh i'm soo exhausted. This whole week has been so crazy. i went to ocean commotion thursday and i had so much fun although the little kids did wear me out. i made more friends who were mostly seniors b/c they were friends of my big sis. the day before that i went to a mentoring program where i helped middle schoolers w/ their science fair projects so that was a good experience. tuesday something happen i just don't remember senior moment -_- i had a test on friday on my ir and i think i didnt do so good. i told my mom and she just had this look of dissappointment. i couldnt reach her expectations :[[ on another note i rly miss my friends. i wish i could go visit them. we had this whole plan for thanksgiving but im waiting for my rents to give the OK and i rly hope they do. i'm rly excited for monday: my first class so i can get my permit!!! i've been waiting for such a really long time to drive :P so as you can see im having mixed emotions for such great things are happening with a mix of bad but hey shit happens ):

 

Okay so it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Actually it was just testing what i knew and well I think i did pretty well especially for not studying. Actually, I don't think there's a way to study for it. Well i got out of school early and that was worth it. It's nice to have a day[or half] to relax. I really need a week of school off and soon. Just to stay home get caught up with the work and sleep. I procrastinate A LOT. I got to get new habits -_-"

My school is giving us a PLAN testing tomorrow. It's basically a pre ACT test and well i'm going to fail. I'm already stress with work and school i have to take a pre ACT?! What am I going to do? With work and school piling up I need to organize myself....now that's going to be hard :[[ well got to study study study :\ peace.

My weekend isn't one of the best i've had but isn't one of the worst. I got in trouble on Friday because i miss work, I was so exhausted i fell asleep :[[ Saturday and Sunday i worked all day so i'm still exhausted. I can't help but to miss my best friends. I wish I was with them. Talking to them everday is rly nice and all but it just isnt the same as spending actual time with them. I miss hanging out with them every week. I miss seeing them ever day. I miss making up a million inside jokes with them with in an hour. i miss going to the movies with them. i miss going to the beach with them. i miss just being around them. They've become like my second family. I miss my home town. I rly don't like where i am and the only reason i'm here is because of my mom. I wake up everyday with a fake smile so my mom won't have to worry so much about me. I pretend to love it here, to be fine, to be happy. when i'm rly depressed and exhausted. There's no one here that understands how i feel, what i'm going through, what i have to live with. I cry everyday silently so no one hears me. My heart aches so much and i don't know who to turn to. who can possibly know what i'm going through? who can possibly understand how i feel? who can possibly help me? who can possibly help me solve my problems?

 

 

Hey....srry i haven't been here for a while i've been busy. I've updated a few things and i'll add some mp3's and mv's when i have more time. if u r in a hurry to get some u can visit http://www.spaces.msn.com/members/thaigurlmint/ , it's my sis' space nd she has a lot of mp3's and mv's.

 

                                       Me

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P' Mint--><--Meiling